A group of us were invited to go see “Mama Mia” live on stage the other night. I remember viewing the movie a couple of years ago and not liking it at some point, but I couldn’t remember why. As the musical danced its way into my memory bank, it became increasingly apparent.

It wasn’t that the music was bad, the dancing poorly choreographed, or that there was a lack of acting talent. No, this particular version was unique from the movie and other renditions, in that it made sure to take a poke at “Catholics” not once, but twice. A completely unnecessary line of dialogue was directed to the mother by one of her bed buddies of the past and possible father of her daughter. Why wasn’t she a “good Catholic” anymore, he queried. Like the one he and several others had sex with twenty years earlier, who seems like such a drag now. After all isn’t that how all “good Catholics” behave?

We were also treated to multiple dance scenes depicting the sex act that were scattered in and through the entire show, leaving little to the imagination. You know that little used function that apparently humans are unable to tap into  these days, so everything needs to be spelled out clearly in Technicolor.

As a Marriage Prep Coordinator, I would have to say that media messages such as these could quickly put me out of business. Catholic marriages have already dropped nationally from 250,000 to about 164,000 annually. Do you think it possible that all the anti-marriage media campaigns have finally begun to bear fruit? More than ever, couples are choosing to cohabit rather than commit to a lifetime of happily ever after.

We really have no one to blame but ourselves- married couples of the last four decades.

What kind of example have we been to the beauty of a love that never ends? How have we modeled commitment in “good and bad times, sickness and health, richer or poorer, all the days of our life?”

Unfortunately, we haven’t done a very good job.

We have shown them what unhappy, unfaithful, miserable marriages look like. We have shown them what disposable marriages look like. But most of all we have showed them what selfish marriages, “me first, you don’t make me happy anymore” marriages are like. Better than half of all marriages, sadly end in divorce.

Marriage is hard work. Anything worth doing always is. Learning to love the other is an act of the will. It is not wishy-washy feelings of eroticism that are fickle and quickly fade. No, it is the toughest, most worthy thing we will ever do. It takes way more discipline and endurance than any goofy, trendy race that is out there. Marriage can make the Tough Mudder, look like a nap on the sofa.

So I challenge men and women to consider this, when considering a soulmate for life….do not hop into the sack and make sex the only glue that holds you together. Too many chemicals are masking the reality of who the other person really is. You owe it to yourself and to each other, to make that ultimate gift of you, something worth giving up everyone and everything for. Discover the integrity of the entire person; their personality, habits, qualities and ability to master their self for the sake of a life with you. If they can’t imagine not having sex with you now, they likely cannot imagine waiting to have it with anyone else who floats their boat, when they tire of you. Discipline forms a purity of heart and intention that is attractive.

Avoid the “let’s move in together“ trap. Try before you buy is a cop-out. If it really was an effective means to testing out a person for marriage, then why is there so much divorce? Cohabitation is up and so is divorce- that is not just a coincidence. I know several couples right now who have lived together for over 6 years, have children together, and cannot stand the person they are with. They are eager for new pastures, ultimately repeating the same mistake, yet expecting different results. Who gets hurt the most in the break up? The children of “no commitment” parents, that’s who. Children deserve to grow up in a home where they see what love and commitment looks like every day. A home where daddy loves mommy and vice versa. A home where they can thrive, be safe, and cherished.

One of the defining lines of the musical was when the daughter shouts at her mother, “I don’t care if you slept with hundreds of men….” Really? In the end, the daughter chooses what was modeled for her all of her life; she doesn’t need marriage to be happy. Checkmate, the anti-marriage campaign continues its sad refrain.

All is not lost, and “hopeless” isn’t part of the Christian vocabulary. Christ reigns Supreme and I am happy to say that most of the couples I work with, don’t want to be the next generation of broken marriages. They are embracing the preparation classes, doing the tough work of dialogue that leads to deeper intimacy, and are willing to discipline their desires for the sake of their beloved. This is great news!