“The graces of My Mercy are drawn by means of one vessel only, and that is trust.” (Diary 1578)
Our Pastor, referring to this quote by St. Faustina, put it into terms we could understand by saying that mercy is a bottomless well. The bucket we use to draw upon God’s mercy makes all the difference. Little buckets bring forth little results. Big buckets (i.e., trust in God) will produce significant results.
This makes sense and puts us in control based on our trust in the Lord. I like to think I have improved tremendously over the years in trusting God; however, I recently was made aware that I still have much work to do.
The Lord is so generous in opening my eyes to elucidate my inadequacies.
I often pray, saying, “Jesus, I trust in you.” Yet, recently, when given a chance to put that trust into action, I failed miserably. The opportunity came from left field and was disguised. This scenario wasn’t in the realm of concern or on my radar— exposing my naive, short-sightedness. It’s pathetic to realize how minuscule and unworldly my grasp of the scope of reality is.
My initial response was shock. Then, its close friends’ frustration, anger, and accusations followed. This can’t be. Why was the apple cart flipped over, disassembled, and relocated when everything went well? Why? To what end or benefit?
I wrestled with this for a month as the evil one assaulted my mind by occupying my thoughts with discouraging scenarios all the way to Easter. Finally, in preparation for Divine Mercy Sunday, I began to truly examine my conscience only to realize my gross failure to trust that the Lord knew what He was doing despite my displeasure. Here before me was a simple exercise in surrender and trust that I completely missed.
I poured myself out in confession and all the ugly feelings that accompanied my obstinance. It was so liberating to finally recognize my gross shortfall in trusting the Lord. This decision was always out of my hands, and while it impacted me and many others, it was never mine to make, only mine to trust and submit to.
That is all that was necessary.
I experienced the freedom from not having to carry the weight of that decision and all its tentacles. I also suffered great sorrow for having failed to trust from the get-go. It would have saved me so much grief and never given the devil the liberty to play with my imagination. So many unnecessary words of complaint and frustration ultimately yielded nothing positive. It was like blowing smoke before a fan, which blew back in my face and dissipated.
Ultimately, it was about learning a crucial lesson from my Father, who had wrapped an opportunity for me to grow, which I promptly rejected without asking His help.
How many times in our lives have we done the same, and it was only after time and deeper reflection that we realized we had lost the opportunity to trust Him a little more today than yesterday?
Despite my many years on the planet, I am humbled to know that I have such a long way to go and that my sweet Lord is so gracious in continuing to give me many more opportunities. He hasn’t given up on me, nor has he given up on any of us, and we should never give up on even the hardest hearts.
The Holy Three, the Trinity, who loves us beyond our wildest imagination and wants to increase the capacity of our buckets, are praying for us in communion with all the angels and saints. The Father’s greatest desire is not to lose anyone, so He will continue to send us opportunities to enlarge our buckets because He loves us too much to leave us with tiny vessels.
“At the time, all discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain, yet later it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it.” (Heb 12:11)
Praying that all our buckets enlarge with trust in God’s Mighty plan for us!
Thank you, dear Barb, for your self-examination that inspires me to examine my own
lack of trust!
God bless you.
Barb