We have been married over forty-five years and counting, and it wasn’t all roses and rainbows. Yet, over the years, what constitutes a loving action has changed. Initially, when we were living overseas, I enjoyed the sparkly things I could put on my fingers. I loved traveling together and feeling safe as he knew the language and was familiar with European culture.

When he was a commercial pilot, and France was a frequent layover, bringing home my favorite food group, chocolate truffles, was a delicious and romantic gesture to show his love for me. I had a special cupboard that the kids were not allowed to open that contained many European treats.

It was for their own good. Their tastebuds were not mature enough to enjoy the finer nuances. Hershey’s sufficed.

As the children grew and we were able to go out on occasional dates, just spending time together and relaxing was a way I felt loved. One Mother’s Day, he took the kids away to the park for several hours. A fine Mother’s Day indeed and a well-deserved way to say I love you.

As we grew older, there was no need for splashy displays of love. It is the small things, done every day quietly out of love, that ring loudest.

A full gas tank.

Clean, folded laundry stacked neatly on the bed.

Dishes were washed and put away when I had expected to have to tackle them upon my return.

Now he is speaking my love language—service.

A clean bathroom.

A freshly made salad for me when I came in the door.

Checkbook up to speed. Bills paid.

He made countless unplanned trips to the store, and items were delivered to me when I forgot something.

There are a million little ways to show your spouse how much you love them.

Speak their love language and be amazed at the love that is returned. What is most critical, however, is noticing the effort and being grateful for it. Not just in your head but out loud, with words of gratitude.

God absolutely knew what He was doing when he moved that young lieutenant to ask me to dance that first night at the disco. He had a plan all along and knew when the perfect moment would come. This man complements me (not just in math) and makes me a better person day by day and year by year.

When I was having a particularly bad 2019 and was hospitalized in January and December with serious illnesses. I could not seem to get warm. My December birthday was quickly approaching, as was Christmas, which was to follow days later. I came home to find my man, grinning from ear to ear, standing by a vase of flowers on the counter. In a not-so-nice voice, I said, “Please tell me you didn’t get me flowers for my birthday.” (yes, what a brat)

Pausing, he smiled again, reaching towards a box of Costco chocolates. The chocolate snob in me reared her ugly head. “Please tell me you didn’t get me a box of crappy chocolate.”

Remember, love also remains patient when dealing with a cranky, ungrateful spouse.

Again, he smiled and, this time, pulled out a personal heating blanket from the chocolate box. That is a man who knows his woman. He knew how I felt about flowers and cheap chocolate. Most importantly, he had been paying attention and listening. He knew I was struggling to stay warm, and in his thoughtfulness, he found a ready solution.

It was the most wonderful gift I had ever received that wasn’t sparkly.

I was deeply moved. It took forty years to get there, but wow, what a perfect gift.

In all my horrific illnesses and accidents over the years, he stood by me. He bathed and assisted me when I was helpless to help myself. I had to learn to accept help, and he was always gracious in extending it.

Recently, we arrived late at our little place in the mountains. The heat had been off, so it was chilly inside. I needed to use the bathroom but didn’t want to risk frostbite from the cold toilet seat. (okay, yes, I’m a wimp) I asked, “If you love me, can you do me a huge favor and sit on the seat and warm it up for me?”

And he did because that is what real love does. What a man!

My husband is my best friend. We have been through countless adventures together, ones that scare us to death and others we continue to laugh at. You lift my spirits and help me put things into perspective. You remain patient even though, for years, I have not bothered to pay attention to what road to take.  

Thank you for being such a good and generous father and grandfather. You have shown me and our family love in a million little ways, and we are tremendously blessed.

Thank you for uniquely showing me God’s love in a personal, practical, and dependable way. You are one of a kind, and I know I am loved.

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