We finally got away from the craziness to take a moment to refresh our minds in the mountains. For me, the mountains have always been a place that resets my being.
The breeze through the pines sounds almost like rushing water. It soothes my soul.

I sat in bed praying my daily prayers and was captivated by a photo of our youngest daughter’s wedding. It’s a large photo because it captures all of our immediate family at that moment. It was six years ago, February of 2020.  Yes, 2020, a month before all hell broke loose in the world. But I’m not going there in this reflection.

The image has nineteen of us, including seven grandchildren. We are currently expecting the twentieth grandchild. Every single face tells a story. There is more in the hearts and minds of these faces than any photograph can depict.

My father passed away the year prior in July, and I spent both January and December in the ICU with life-threatening illnesses. A week after the wedding, I would be having my second brain surgery to remove the mastoid bone in my skull. I had kids who were dealing with infertility and miscarriages, job challenges, finances, and in-laws.

One of our granddaughters fell into the fountain during the reception, and the father of the groom made it known to some of the guests that our daughter wasn’t his choice for his son.

The background stress was like a black hole consuming joy as it grew.

Yet God was there and continues to be in each one of our lives and marriages through all the difficulties life brings.

It is a diabolical lie that life isn’t supposed to be this hard.

Everybody has something heavy to carry. The tendency can be to lay it down and make it someone else’s problem. “I didn’t sign up for this.” A common cop-out phrase these days, as people walk away from their marriages, families, jobs, or friendships. Yet our Catholic faith echoes what our Savior taught, and Scripture reflects it.

“Beloved, do not be surprised that a trial by fire is occurring among you, as if something strange were happening to you. But rejoice to the extent that you share in the sufferings of Christ, so that when his glory is revealed you may also rejoice exultantly.” 1Pt 4:12-13

Life is hard at times. It’s supposed to be. We are in the proving grounds, a boot camp of sorts, meant to help us grow stronger in faith and trust in God, and to forge our halo through tribulations and trials meant for this purpose.

This life isn’t heaven; it’s the road that takes us there.

I think we assume that if we do everything right, then everything will work out as we planned and imagined. Except we are working with other human beings who have their own plans. If we are all trying to make our own paradise and we have different ideas of what that entails, there will be collisions among ideals, values, and freedom.

The one true force that should unite us is God. It is His values, ideals, and perspective that matter, and they serve as the unifying force between all living beings. We need God, who is love itself, to draw us into the heart that loves and seeks what is best for all. That is a freeing perspective.

Marriage is made of two imperfect people, a man and a woman, designed by God for the purpose of relationship, selfless, fruitful love, and the good of the spouses. Marriage and family life are saint-making machines. When we do marriage right, the world around us gets a glimpse of the Trinity, and love is infused into it. Every marriage is lacking by the nature of the two imperfect beings, and this is where God makes all the difference.

When couples are intentional about prayer, praying together and uniting their hearts, difficulties, inadequacies, and surrendering it all to God, something amazing happens. God shows up. Prayer seeks the One who can help, and He hears our prayers.

How can you be so sure, Barb?

Because it has taken us decades to learn this essential truth. We spent so many years giving simply a nod in God’s direction and taking the lead ourselves. It led to resentment, frustrations, failures, and additional unnecessary strife because we didn’t give it all to God in the first place. God has been so patient with us, and so very generous as we have learned to let Him guide and guard our marriage. It is a beautiful, joyful thing.

We’ve had the privilege of walking with couples over a decade and of being present to our own kids and their families. We learn from them, and they learn from us.

“If God is for us, who can be against?” (Rom 8:31)

I offer this in love from an old married woman to all those who are married or thinking of marriage, to realize this: alone, you can do nothing; with God, all things are possible. And because it will make all the difference in your marriage and life.